Sunday, September 19, 2010

Why our Mr. Smooth doesn't always have it going on...

Chapter 2 in my "For Women Only" book was entitled "The Performance of a Lifetime." In a survey, the author found out that no matter how confident a man appeared on the outside almost three fourths of them admitted to feeling insecure about what others' opinion of them. She says men believe
1. they are always being judged- they think about what others think about them all the time
2. they think they don't know how to do a lot of things- rather it is something with the kids or something new at work

*She said the majority of men want to be good husbands, but they are so tired of "messing up" at home that they do give up at it. A lot of men say they know how to achieve at work and get complimented, and they know how to achieve on a sports field or court and get that rush or compliment, but if they aren't getting any positive support at home they don't know whether or not they are doing a good job. Rather if they are getting negativity it makes them want to stop trying all together, because they feel like they cannot succeed at being a good husband.

So what should we as wives do?
1. affirm him- when a man has the the support of this wife he feels like he can do anything; build him up when he is down; tell him how great he is
2. don't tear him down- if we focus our attention on what he is doing wrong, then we are undermining what we want most- for him to do it right
*only one in four men feel actively appreciated by their family- it says if they don't feel appreciated at home they will seek it somewhere else- whether it is at work, on the ball field, or with another woman
3. create a safety zone- they need a place where they can make mistakes and not be yelled at for it
4. supportive sex- sex plays a huuuge role in a man's self confidence- they say if he has had a rough week at work that will make him feel like he can do anything!

*A wife can give her husband confidence and it's not about being the "supportive little wife." It's about realizing that despite their veneer of confidence, our husbands really are insecure and they crave our affirmation.

7 comments:

Nicole said...

I think we all need to remember not to always nag at our husbands...at least I do! I've always struggled with letting Nick do things around the house, because I didn't feel he did them the right way...meaning, MY way. I've gotten better, but it's definitely something I always have to remind myself to do. I love that you've been posting these!

Patricia Rutledge said...

Ashley- I'm so happy that you have been posting about this book. After your first post, I googled the book and am excited to read it myself! We could all use tips or advice to make our marriage stronger and help us to improve ourselves!

Lauren said...

I wish I could be doing this book study with your group! Sounds like such great insight to our husbands.
I am so guilty of not praising Blake enough. I actually do the opposite too much and need to work on that big time.

Nancy said...

Ashley,
I am humbled by your honesty and humility--not shocked by it because you have always been an honest person. The most important thing I have learned as a wife is that Jesus Christ is the Lover of my soul! When I allow Him to be my everything THEN I can give and receive love to Mike without any strings attached. Thanks for the post!

Brooke said...

Love this Ash! Keep them coming. I am loving getting these reminders. Lord knows I do my fair share of nagging :(

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