Why his need to provide weighs your man down and why he likes it that way...
Men feel that providing is their job- they feel a need to provide regardless of whether the wife stays at home or works. Just like women obsess of body insecurity men constantly obsess over the need to provide.
Why do they feel this way in this day and age when women can provide for themselves?
1. providing is at the core of their identity- they feel powerful when they provide, and they want to be depended on
2. providing is a way to say I love you- that is a way men express their love
3. providing accompanies his need to succeed- they like to feel successful at work
This need of providing means...
1. there is a risk of failure- they feel terrible when money is tight, worry a lot about losing their job
2. they feel trapped- they want to be depended on but sometimes feel trapped by that responsibility
What can we do to help?
1. help relieve pressure- when money is tight don't spend money unnecessarily
2. encourage and appreciate him- make sure he knows your pleasure in any financial progress so that he knows his hard work has paid off
Next week's chapter...sex- why sex unlocks a man's emotions
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Why our Mr. Smooth doesn't always have it going on...
Chapter 2 in my "For Women Only" book was entitled "The Performance of a Lifetime." In a survey, the author found out that no matter how confident a man appeared on the outside almost three fourths of them admitted to feeling insecure about what others' opinion of them. She says men believe
1. they are always being judged- they think about what others think about them all the time
2. they think they don't know how to do a lot of things- rather it is something with the kids or something new at work
*She said the majority of men want to be good husbands, but they are so tired of "messing up" at home that they do give up at it. A lot of men say they know how to achieve at work and get complimented, and they know how to achieve on a sports field or court and get that rush or compliment, but if they aren't getting any positive support at home they don't know whether or not they are doing a good job. Rather if they are getting negativity it makes them want to stop trying all together, because they feel like they cannot succeed at being a good husband.
So what should we as wives do?
1. affirm him- when a man has the the support of this wife he feels like he can do anything; build him up when he is down; tell him how great he is
2. don't tear him down- if we focus our attention on what he is doing wrong, then we are undermining what we want most- for him to do it right
*only one in four men feel actively appreciated by their family- it says if they don't feel appreciated at home they will seek it somewhere else- whether it is at work, on the ball field, or with another woman
3. create a safety zone- they need a place where they can make mistakes and not be yelled at for it
4. supportive sex- sex plays a huuuge role in a man's self confidence- they say if he has had a rough week at work that will make him feel like he can do anything!
*A wife can give her husband confidence and it's not about being the "supportive little wife." It's about realizing that despite their veneer of confidence, our husbands really are insecure and they crave our affirmation.
1. they are always being judged- they think about what others think about them all the time
2. they think they don't know how to do a lot of things- rather it is something with the kids or something new at work
*She said the majority of men want to be good husbands, but they are so tired of "messing up" at home that they do give up at it. A lot of men say they know how to achieve at work and get complimented, and they know how to achieve on a sports field or court and get that rush or compliment, but if they aren't getting any positive support at home they don't know whether or not they are doing a good job. Rather if they are getting negativity it makes them want to stop trying all together, because they feel like they cannot succeed at being a good husband.
So what should we as wives do?
1. affirm him- when a man has the the support of this wife he feels like he can do anything; build him up when he is down; tell him how great he is
2. don't tear him down- if we focus our attention on what he is doing wrong, then we are undermining what we want most- for him to do it right
*only one in four men feel actively appreciated by their family- it says if they don't feel appreciated at home they will seek it somewhere else- whether it is at work, on the ball field, or with another woman
3. create a safety zone- they need a place where they can make mistakes and not be yelled at for it
4. supportive sex- sex plays a huuuge role in a man's self confidence- they say if he has had a rough week at work that will make him feel like he can do anything!
*A wife can give her husband confidence and it's not about being the "supportive little wife." It's about realizing that despite their veneer of confidence, our husbands really are insecure and they crave our affirmation.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
"For Women Only"
I am so tired lately between the boys, working, and grad school, but our small group has started a new book where the girls are reading "For Women Only" and the guys are reading "For Men Only." Our book gives us insight to our husbands, and how to love them the best we can. If you are anything like me, I always welcome advice. The past few years it has been mostly advice for babies, but I have been blessed with this book on marriage. I have been at fault for trying to give Drew what I need in a marriage, instead of what he needs.
The chapter we read this week was on a guys number one need- respect. When asked if they would rather be unloved or disrespected men overwhemingly picked unloved. They NEED respect. As much as we need reassurance and to be told they love us, they need to know we respect them. How can we do this?
1. Do not tell them to do something over and over (guilty!) Even if they don't do it on your time frame doesn't mean they aren't going to do it.
2. Let them figure things out and perservere without you telling them what to do. (I am extremely guilty of this with the babies- trying to tell Drew what to do.)
3. Do NOT talk down to them or demand things of them in front of people. Guys care more than we know about what other guys think of them, and it said we should be praising them in front of other people. That hugely builds their confidence.
4. Let them make decisions. I know I am the stronger personality, have a more fiery temper, but I do need to slow down and really listen, and not demand things.
I pray this week that I can show Drew respect in many ways ..:)
The chapter we read this week was on a guys number one need- respect. When asked if they would rather be unloved or disrespected men overwhemingly picked unloved. They NEED respect. As much as we need reassurance and to be told they love us, they need to know we respect them. How can we do this?
1. Do not tell them to do something over and over (guilty!) Even if they don't do it on your time frame doesn't mean they aren't going to do it.
2. Let them figure things out and perservere without you telling them what to do. (I am extremely guilty of this with the babies- trying to tell Drew what to do.)
3. Do NOT talk down to them or demand things of them in front of people. Guys care more than we know about what other guys think of them, and it said we should be praising them in front of other people. That hugely builds their confidence.
4. Let them make decisions. I know I am the stronger personality, have a more fiery temper, but I do need to slow down and really listen, and not demand things.
I pray this week that I can show Drew respect in many ways ..:)
Monday, September 6, 2010
Catching Up
Needless to say, since I have left the blogging world for almost half a year there have been many things I have not been able to document!
1. April 12th- Keaton was born! See previous post for details!
2. Mid-April- We sold our house! After we had been home from the hospital with Keaton just a few hours, we got a phone call that our house had sold! We were soo excited. It took our house nine months to sell. We had to get our butts in gear because we had not looked at any houses yet.
3. May 15th- Megan, my middle sister, got married! It was such a beautiful wedding. I served as matron of honor alongside my sister Jess who was maid of honor. Drew was a groomsman, and Brayden was the ringbearer! He was a little hestitant going down the aisle, but he ended up going down with my dad, and my dad had to hurry up to walk Megan down. Thankfully my babysitter Krisi came and kept both boys in the nursery during the cermony. Then Audra took Brayden home from the reception and put him to bed so we could enjoy the evening.
4. End of May- Audra graduated from law school. Keaton, Drew, and I headed to Columbus to watch Audra graduate from law school. We are very proud of her! She now is waiting until February to go to basic training for the Army Jag in Virginia Beach.
5. End of May-beginning of June- We moved in with my parents for a few weeks since our house sold and we couldn't be in our new house for a few weeks. It actually went really well, and it was nice having the extra help.
6. June 13th- Brayden's 2nd birthday! Brayden turned two, and this was the day we moved into our new house. We decided to have his party a few weeks later so we could get settled in our house. He had a Mickey Mouse themed party, and we cooked out. There was lots of family and friends, and it was nice for everyone to see our new home.
7. June and July- Mostly stayed home and enjoyed our family and our new house! I took Brayden to the water park a few times, and he loved swimming this summer. We had lots of play dates with Parker and Cullen and Ella.
8. August- I headed back to work! I got to go back to straight 2nd grade, and have enjoyed being back to work. I had a wonderful four months home with KEaton, and now am juggling being a working mom.
1. April 12th- Keaton was born! See previous post for details!
2. Mid-April- We sold our house! After we had been home from the hospital with Keaton just a few hours, we got a phone call that our house had sold! We were soo excited. It took our house nine months to sell. We had to get our butts in gear because we had not looked at any houses yet.
3. May 15th- Megan, my middle sister, got married! It was such a beautiful wedding. I served as matron of honor alongside my sister Jess who was maid of honor. Drew was a groomsman, and Brayden was the ringbearer! He was a little hestitant going down the aisle, but he ended up going down with my dad, and my dad had to hurry up to walk Megan down. Thankfully my babysitter Krisi came and kept both boys in the nursery during the cermony. Then Audra took Brayden home from the reception and put him to bed so we could enjoy the evening.
4. End of May- Audra graduated from law school. Keaton, Drew, and I headed to Columbus to watch Audra graduate from law school. We are very proud of her! She now is waiting until February to go to basic training for the Army Jag in Virginia Beach.
5. End of May-beginning of June- We moved in with my parents for a few weeks since our house sold and we couldn't be in our new house for a few weeks. It actually went really well, and it was nice having the extra help.
6. June 13th- Brayden's 2nd birthday! Brayden turned two, and this was the day we moved into our new house. We decided to have his party a few weeks later so we could get settled in our house. He had a Mickey Mouse themed party, and we cooked out. There was lots of family and friends, and it was nice for everyone to see our new home.
7. June and July- Mostly stayed home and enjoyed our family and our new house! I took Brayden to the water park a few times, and he loved swimming this summer. We had lots of play dates with Parker and Cullen and Ella.
8. August- I headed back to work! I got to go back to straight 2nd grade, and have enjoyed being back to work. I had a wonderful four months home with KEaton, and now am juggling being a working mom.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Oh my...it has been about five months...the birth of Keaton Micah
I feel a little terrible that it has been so long, and I have yet to post about my precious boy being born! I am reading about all of my friends who have just had their babies, and realized I have yet to do mine. Needless to say my life has been non-stop since having Keaton...we moved into a new house a few weeks after he was born.
Keaton Micah was born via c-section April 12, 2010. Dr. Spirek knew he was going to be another big one, so she advised we have the c-section. We went in the morning of and had Brayden stay with my parents the night before. It was very odd going in to have a baby and not being in labor! They took me back to the room, put in the spinal, laid me back quick on the table, tied my arms down, and brought Drew back. I felt like I was going to throw up, they gave me medicine, then I thought I was going to freak out and they gave me medicine. It was amazing to me how bright it was in there, and how many people were in there. They were all standing around me ready to go. I could feel a lot of pressure and pushing and pulling, and before I knew it they had my sweet boy out! They were all trying to guess how big he was, but all I knew was that he was bigger than Brayden! They took him out to check him, and came back to let me know he was 9 lbs 10 ounces 19 inches long! So he was exactly one pound heavier and one inch shorter than his brother!
They wheeled me to recovery, and the next few days is honestly a big blur. For those friends of mine that say a c-section is no problem- I think you are crazy! (Or you don't have a natural birth to compare it with!) I had a lot of pain, couldn't sit up out of bed. Thank God for my husband, and for Krisi (who keeps my boys) and came to stay with me a little while. Even after coming home from the hospital I had lots of pain. I would wake up in the middle of the night shaking and crying because I couldn't sit up out of bed, and even still my incision is sore from time to time! Although the recovery was harder, I am thankful my doctor had the foresight to recommend the surgery or my whopper would have been a doozy to get out!
Our home life is "settling down." I guess as settled down as it can get with two boys 22 months apart. Brayden adores Keaton, and loves kissing him, and talking about him. There are just times he wants Mommy to put him down to do something with him. Overall I think he has adjusted better than many kids I have heard about. I don't know if it was because he was so young.
Keaton is now almost five months old, and he is about 16 pounds. He sleeps 10-5 or 6 and then goes back to bed after a bottle. He laughs, rolls over, and is such a happy baby. Actually I'm not sure if he is a happier baby, or mainly that Drew and I are much more laid back this time. I did not nurse at all this time, and that has been one of the best decisions for me as I was able to truly rest and recover and didn't battle all of the difficult emotions and fatigue like I did with Brayden.
I had Keaton in April, took 8 weeks off work, had to go back the last three days of school, and then had 8 weeks of summer. I feel so blessed of all my time at home, and love that I had him so that it worked out that way. Keaton is now at Krisi's house for the sitter with Brayden and baby Sarah. My life has been hectic, but I wouldn't trade one second with my sweet little family.
I will post of the rest of summer soon...hopefully! :)
Keaton Micah was born via c-section April 12, 2010. Dr. Spirek knew he was going to be another big one, so she advised we have the c-section. We went in the morning of and had Brayden stay with my parents the night before. It was very odd going in to have a baby and not being in labor! They took me back to the room, put in the spinal, laid me back quick on the table, tied my arms down, and brought Drew back. I felt like I was going to throw up, they gave me medicine, then I thought I was going to freak out and they gave me medicine. It was amazing to me how bright it was in there, and how many people were in there. They were all standing around me ready to go. I could feel a lot of pressure and pushing and pulling, and before I knew it they had my sweet boy out! They were all trying to guess how big he was, but all I knew was that he was bigger than Brayden! They took him out to check him, and came back to let me know he was 9 lbs 10 ounces 19 inches long! So he was exactly one pound heavier and one inch shorter than his brother!
They wheeled me to recovery, and the next few days is honestly a big blur. For those friends of mine that say a c-section is no problem- I think you are crazy! (Or you don't have a natural birth to compare it with!) I had a lot of pain, couldn't sit up out of bed. Thank God for my husband, and for Krisi (who keeps my boys) and came to stay with me a little while. Even after coming home from the hospital I had lots of pain. I would wake up in the middle of the night shaking and crying because I couldn't sit up out of bed, and even still my incision is sore from time to time! Although the recovery was harder, I am thankful my doctor had the foresight to recommend the surgery or my whopper would have been a doozy to get out!
Our home life is "settling down." I guess as settled down as it can get with two boys 22 months apart. Brayden adores Keaton, and loves kissing him, and talking about him. There are just times he wants Mommy to put him down to do something with him. Overall I think he has adjusted better than many kids I have heard about. I don't know if it was because he was so young.
Keaton is now almost five months old, and he is about 16 pounds. He sleeps 10-5 or 6 and then goes back to bed after a bottle. He laughs, rolls over, and is such a happy baby. Actually I'm not sure if he is a happier baby, or mainly that Drew and I are much more laid back this time. I did not nurse at all this time, and that has been one of the best decisions for me as I was able to truly rest and recover and didn't battle all of the difficult emotions and fatigue like I did with Brayden.
I had Keaton in April, took 8 weeks off work, had to go back the last three days of school, and then had 8 weeks of summer. I feel so blessed of all my time at home, and love that I had him so that it worked out that way. Keaton is now at Krisi's house for the sitter with Brayden and baby Sarah. My life has been hectic, but I wouldn't trade one second with my sweet little family.
I will post of the rest of summer soon...hopefully! :)
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Family on Christmas
Merry Christmas
Spiky hair
All dolled up for Christmas in Ohio
My little Santa
Ho Ho Ho!
Happy boy
On the way to church